Author: MTEG

Just Another Saturday Night In Lower Alabama

There’s a football game, people get drunk, somebody wins, somebody loses, words follow, then shoves and fists, and finally somebody gets shot.

… Read the rest

Permit Me A Moment For Marvin, 1995-2008

Marvin the Goldfish spent 13 years swimming itty-bitty laps inside the fish tank on our bathroom counter. That translates to approximately 120 human years; not as old as Methuselah, but long enough to make me wonder what was in those fortified fish flakes he enjoyed so much.

And here’s the rest.

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Nick Saban Is No Atheist, A’ight?

Yet, for some reason many people think he is. Just Google the phrase “Is Nick Saban an atheist?” and see what site you get. Go ahead, try it.

I first noticed this back around the time he was hired, and even today I get about 15-20 people a month who come to Ocular Fusion that way. Wierd. I mean all you have to do is go to Nick’s MySpace page and you can plainly see that he is “Christian–other.”

I take that to mean that he shows up to some kind of church every now and then, but that the “other” refers to those Sundays when he’s worshiping at The Altar of Previous Game Film Footage.… Read the rest

Requiescat In Pace, Marvin

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Marvin died the other day. He was 13 years old. For a goldfish, that’s about 120 in human years.

We knew he wasn’t long for this world, so I took this picture of him just a few days before he “passed on” (for you librul Yankees, that’s Deep Southern for “croaked”). Some of you knew him. In fact, if you’ve ever visited our home and used our hall bathroom, you may have got to know him quite well, and vice versa.

Later this month, I’ll turn 47. A pretty boring, inconspicuous birthday like that doesn’t usher in thoughts of mortality for most people, but for me it’s a different story.… Read the rest

Soul Food For The Morning After

I was extremely proud of both President-elect Obama and Senator McCain during their respective speeches last night. I thought they were both pitch perfect–humble, gracious, conciliatory, both obviously mad in love with this country. Hardly the rantings of a terrorist Antichrist or a senile, warmongering monster, two caricatures which, despite millions of dollars in negative ads over the course of the past few months, just don’t quite stick.

Speaking of pitch perfect, my good friend Doug Mendenhall, Huntsville Times columnist and journalism professor at Abilene Christian University, offers up a nice portion of soul food for the morning after.

Whether you’re a conservative, liberal or something in between, bon appetit and God bless.… Read the rest

Speed Voting

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Wow, I’ve heard of term limits before, but never time limits.

Has anybody else seen anything like this?

I doubt it was enforced, but I had my sample ballot filled out and it still took me probably close to 3 minutes. It made me wonder if older folks who might be a little slow with their eye-brain-hand coordination and wearing who knows what strength of OTC reading glasses might not have a little trouble beating 4 minutes.

When the volunteer checked me in she said that she couldn’t find my name and asked me if I’d moved. She always comes to the first Michael “X” on the list and stops.… Read the rest

The Eyeguy Is Going Rogue!

But then again, you probably already knew that.

If for some reason you actually give a flip on how I arrived at my current political position, you can gain some insight here, here and here.

And then there’s the whole torture thing.

I’m sorry, Republicans, but you really lost me on that one. The party who was in control and authorized that as official US policy needs to take a time out and go sit in some far corner of the political wilderness and think things over very carefully. Get your crap together, bring back somebody credible like Bobby Jindal and run him as your candidate, and you might get my vote back for what it’s worth.… Read the rest

Joe the Tide Fan

p1_tidetattoo.jpgBy a wide margin, Crimson Tide fans outnumber Auburn fans among my patients. For the most part, they’re not white collar professionals and technical people (i.e., engineers, computer programmers, etc), but instead down-home, salt-of-the-earth farmers and laborers who may not be able to tell you a lot about current affairs or the latest bestseller, but who can recall with great pride and fondness their favorite Bear Bryant story or the precise details of that stunning, last-second win back in 19-whatever.

Many of them are as big as 365 lb (and some change) Bama noseguard Terrence Cody, but not nearly as nimble or quick.… Read the rest

Parker v. Parker: “A Good Man Is Hard To Find”

The race for the Alabama 5th Congressional District seat being vacated by Rep. Bud Cramer has been one of the nastiest that I’ve witnessed in a long time. The two candidates, Republican Wayne Parker and Democrat Parker Griffith, have spent considerably more time and money slinging mud and impugning the other’s character than they have actually talking about themselves, their qualifications and exactly how they plan to help their constituents once they’re in office (Update: please see my correction to this paragraph in the comments section).

Just how bad has it been? So bad that even the editorial board at the Huntsville Times is fed up and has refused to endorse either candidate.… Read the rest

It’s About the Pipes, Stupid

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“A full 67 percent of Americans say they’ve seen enough and they don’t want any more presidential debates. The other 33 percent are plumbers who want to hear their name on television.” – Conan O’Brien

McCain front man and pseudo-plumber “Joe” Samuel Wurzelbacher of Holland, Ohio, a.k.a. “Joe the Plumber,” continues to stretch his 15 minutes of fame to the breaking point and beyond.

Apparently, he’s gone all Nashville on us and plans to parlay his recent notoriety and mad music skillz (honed while singing the latest Aaron Tippin tune in the shower) into a recording contract. What a country!

The only question remaining is this: Who will play Joe the Plumber in the made-for-TV movie?… Read the rest

I’m a Socialist, He’s a Socialist, She’s a Socialist, We’re A Socialist, Wouldn’t You Like To Be A Socialist Too?

I’ve had to chuckle a bit at all the talk of socialism over the past few days.

I thought: Hey, aren’t we already a bit socialist anyway?

Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t our federal government just basically take over our financial system, and under a Republican president no less?

Don’t we already garnish a portion of the wages of working stiffs like you and me and funnel it toward a fund from which we provide health care (Medicare) and financial support (Social Security) for the elderly?

Aren’t I personally part of a system that takes your money–yes, YOUR MONEY–and pools it to provide a vast fund for the health care of our nation’s veterans, you know, the ones who as President Lincoln said, “hath borne the battle” and therefore we have a moral obligation to support?… Read the rest

It’s A Dog’s Life, But It’s Not So Bad When You’re 8-0

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The legions of crimson-clad Bama fans who invaded Knoxville’s Neyland Stadium, turning it into Tuscaloosa-Northeast, weren’t the only ones psyched up about the Tide’s workmanlike 29-9 dismantling of what’s left of the Tennessee Volunteers Saturday night.

As you can see, despite the threat of NCAA sanctions for “extra benefits,” Amazing Gracie the Wonderdog fired up her traditional victory stogie nonetheless.

Come to think of it, Gracie’s life revolves around a full menu of “extra benefits:”

  • The traditional victory cigar, of course, along with the lovely houndstooth collar.
  • An always-full water bowl and endless supply of dog food and glucosamine-fortified treats (she has a touch of arthritis in her hips, poor baby).
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Dad, Uncle Mike Said A Bad Word!

utfla1mp238410_t600.jpgThis picture of distraught Tennessee Vol fans was taken at Florida last year, but it’s probably pretty representative of how they looked toward the end of that 41-17 smackdown in T-town a few weeks later when the Million Dollar Band was firing up The Rammer Jammer.

For those of you from other less-civilized parts of the world, The Rammer Jammer is a traditional, and somewhat controversial, cheer taunt which is heard in the closing seconds of a football game when the outcome has been decided in the Crimson Tide’s favor. Oh sure, it does contain a relatively mild profanity, but that very same word is mentioned in the Bible a bunch of times after all, so it can’t be that bad.… Read the rest