Author: Michael Brown

An Abnormal November

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Usually at this time of year, I have no problem tapping my usual sources for a couple of Tide football tickets. November hasn’t been very kind to Bama the past few years, so there’s always been someone anxious to unload them.

This year, not so much. My sources have dried up like an Alabama creek bed in the heat of August. Go figure.

Number One has tickets to the next two regular season games against Mississippi State and Auburn, but he’s had a tough time trying to get the hottest ticket of all, the SEC Championship Game against Florida in Atlanta on December 6.… Read the rest

Shifting Gears

It was about this time last year that I was a little iffy and burned out on blogging and longing to “shift gears.”

That urge led me to toss my hat in the ring for one of the community columnist positions at The Huntsville Times. As enjoyable as that’s been, the gig will be up soon (I only have one column left to write for December) and these days I find myself asking the question–Now what?

Of course, every wannabe writer dreams of the big bestseller, movie deal, etc, but only a tiny minority actually achieve such lofty heights. For me, that would involve immersing myself in learning the mechanics of writing fiction, research, developing ideas, characters, etc.,… Read the rest

United We Win

On this Veterans Day, I pause to honor my favorite vet of all time:

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That’s my Dad on the left (in case you couldn’t figure that out) with a crew mate on the deck of the submarine USS Cubera, circa 1953. Part of the unfinished business that remained when my Dad died at a young age are all the unanswered questions that I would like to ask him.

Such as: What was your friend’s name? Where was he from? Was he the only black crew member or were there others? Was he a steward or an Engineman like you? What was going on at the moment that picture was taken?… Read the rest

Just Another Saturday Night In Lower Alabama

There’s a football game, people get drunk, somebody wins, somebody loses, words follow, then shoves and fists, and finally somebody gets shot.

… Read the rest

Permit Me A Moment For Marvin, 1995-2008

Marvin the Goldfish spent 13 years swimming itty-bitty laps inside the fish tank on our bathroom counter. That translates to approximately 120 human years; not as old as Methuselah, but long enough to make me wonder what was in those fortified fish flakes he enjoyed so much.

And here’s the rest.

… Read the rest

Nick Saban Is No Atheist, A’ight?

Yet, for some reason many people think he is. Just Google the phrase “Is Nick Saban an atheist?” and see what site you get. Go ahead, try it.

I first noticed this back around the time he was hired, and even today I get about 15-20 people a month who come to Ocular Fusion that way. Wierd. I mean all you have to do is go to Nick’s MySpace page and you can plainly see that he is “Christian–other.”

I take that to mean that he shows up to some kind of church every now and then, but that the “other” refers to those Sundays when he’s worshiping at The Altar of Previous Game Film Footage.… Read the rest

Requiescat In Pace, Marvin

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Marvin died the other day. He was 13 years old. For a goldfish, that’s about 120 in human years.

We knew he wasn’t long for this world, so I took this picture of him just a few days before he “passed on” (for you librul Yankees, that’s Deep Southern for “croaked”). Some of you knew him. In fact, if you’ve ever visited our home and used our hall bathroom, you may have got to know him quite well, and vice versa.

Later this month, I’ll turn 47. A pretty boring, inconspicuous birthday like that doesn’t usher in thoughts of mortality for most people, but for me it’s a different story.… Read the rest

Soul Food For The Morning After

I was extremely proud of both President-elect Obama and Senator McCain during their respective speeches last night. I thought they were both pitch perfect–humble, gracious, conciliatory, both obviously mad in love with this country. Hardly the rantings of a terrorist Antichrist or a senile, warmongering monster, two caricatures which, despite millions of dollars in negative ads over the course of the past few months, just don’t quite stick.

Speaking of pitch perfect, my good friend Doug Mendenhall, Huntsville Times columnist and journalism professor at Abilene Christian University, offers up a nice portion of soul food for the morning after.

Whether you’re a conservative, liberal or something in between, bon appetit and God bless.… Read the rest

Speed Voting

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Wow, I’ve heard of term limits before, but never time limits.

Has anybody else seen anything like this?

I doubt it was enforced, but I had my sample ballot filled out and it still took me probably close to 3 minutes. It made me wonder if older folks who might be a little slow with their eye-brain-hand coordination and wearing who knows what strength of OTC reading glasses might not have a little trouble beating 4 minutes.

When the volunteer checked me in she said that she couldn’t find my name and asked me if I’d moved. She always comes to the first Michael “X” on the list and stops.… Read the rest

The Eyeguy Is Going Rogue!

But then again, you probably already knew that.

If for some reason you actually give a flip on how I arrived at my current political position, you can gain some insight here, here and here.

And then there’s the whole torture thing.

I’m sorry, Republicans, but you really lost me on that one. The party who was in control and authorized that as official US policy needs to take a time out and go sit in some far corner of the political wilderness and think things over very carefully. Get your crap together, bring back somebody credible like Bobby Jindal and run him as your candidate, and you might get my vote back for what it’s worth.… Read the rest

Joe the Tide Fan

p1_tidetattoo.jpgBy a wide margin, Crimson Tide fans outnumber Auburn fans among my patients. For the most part, they’re not white collar professionals and technical people (i.e., engineers, computer programmers, etc), but instead down-home, salt-of-the-earth farmers and laborers who may not be able to tell you a lot about current affairs or the latest bestseller, but who can recall with great pride and fondness their favorite Bear Bryant story or the precise details of that stunning, last-second win back in 19-whatever.

Many of them are as big as 365 lb (and some change) Bama noseguard Terrence Cody, but not nearly as nimble or quick.… Read the rest

Parker v. Parker: “A Good Man Is Hard To Find”

The race for the Alabama 5th Congressional District seat being vacated by Rep. Bud Cramer has been one of the nastiest that I’ve witnessed in a long time. The two candidates, Republican Wayne Parker and Democrat Parker Griffith, have spent considerably more time and money slinging mud and impugning the other’s character than they have actually talking about themselves, their qualifications and exactly how they plan to help their constituents once they’re in office (Update: please see my correction to this paragraph in the comments section).

Just how bad has it been? So bad that even the editorial board at the Huntsville Times is fed up and has refused to endorse either candidate.… Read the rest

It’s About the Pipes, Stupid

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“A full 67 percent of Americans say they’ve seen enough and they don’t want any more presidential debates. The other 33 percent are plumbers who want to hear their name on television.” – Conan O’Brien

McCain front man and pseudo-plumber “Joe” Samuel Wurzelbacher of Holland, Ohio, a.k.a. “Joe the Plumber,” continues to stretch his 15 minutes of fame to the breaking point and beyond.

Apparently, he’s gone all Nashville on us and plans to parlay his recent notoriety and mad music skillz (honed while singing the latest Aaron Tippin tune in the shower) into a recording contract. What a country!

The only question remaining is this: Who will play Joe the Plumber in the made-for-TV movie?… Read the rest