Category: College Football

Dickie V.–You’re Out of Your Depth, Dude

vitalecinderella31-1.jpgTo date, I haven’t jumped on board the “Dump Dickie V.” bandwagon. Yes, unlike fine wine, he has grown worse with age. His clownish antics have grown stale, absolutely.

But I’ve always regarded him like that buffoonish, annoyingly loud, but relatively harmless, uncle at the holiday family gathering who just won’t shut up already with the lame jokes and tall tales but still slips the little kids a piece of candy from his pocket because underneath it all he’s a decent guy with a good heart.

Until now.

Here’s Dickie V. talking about football, of all things, during last night’s Kentucky v.… Read the rest

An Abnormal November

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Usually at this time of year, I have no problem tapping my usual sources for a couple of Tide football tickets. November hasn’t been very kind to Bama the past few years, so there’s always been someone anxious to unload them.

This year, not so much. My sources have dried up like an Alabama creek bed in the heat of August. Go figure.

Number One has tickets to the next two regular season games against Mississippi State and Auburn, but he’s had a tough time trying to get the hottest ticket of all, the SEC Championship Game against Florida in Atlanta on December 6.… Read the rest

Just Another Saturday Night In Lower Alabama

There’s a football game, people get drunk, somebody wins, somebody loses, words follow, then shoves and fists, and finally somebody gets shot.

… Read the rest

Nick Saban Is No Atheist, A’ight?

Yet, for some reason many people think he is. Just Google the phrase “Is Nick Saban an atheist?” and see what site you get. Go ahead, try it.

I first noticed this back around the time he was hired, and even today I get about 15-20 people a month who come to Ocular Fusion that way. Wierd. I mean all you have to do is go to Nick’s MySpace page and you can plainly see that he is “Christian–other.”

I take that to mean that he shows up to some kind of church every now and then, but that the “other” refers to those Sundays when he’s worshiping at The Altar of Previous Game Film Footage.… Read the rest

Joe the Tide Fan

p1_tidetattoo.jpgBy a wide margin, Crimson Tide fans outnumber Auburn fans among my patients. For the most part, they’re not white collar professionals and technical people (i.e., engineers, computer programmers, etc), but instead down-home, salt-of-the-earth farmers and laborers who may not be able to tell you a lot about current affairs or the latest bestseller, but who can recall with great pride and fondness their favorite Bear Bryant story or the precise details of that stunning, last-second win back in 19-whatever.

Many of them are as big as 365 lb (and some change) Bama noseguard Terrence Cody, but not nearly as nimble or quick.… Read the rest

It’s A Dog’s Life, But It’s Not So Bad When You’re 8-0

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The legions of crimson-clad Bama fans who invaded Knoxville’s Neyland Stadium, turning it into Tuscaloosa-Northeast, weren’t the only ones psyched up about the Tide’s workmanlike 29-9 dismantling of what’s left of the Tennessee Volunteers Saturday night.

As you can see, despite the threat of NCAA sanctions for “extra benefits,” Amazing Gracie the Wonderdog fired up her traditional victory stogie nonetheless.

Come to think of it, Gracie’s life revolves around a full menu of “extra benefits:”

  • The traditional victory cigar, of course, along with the lovely houndstooth collar.
  • An always-full water bowl and endless supply of dog food and glucosamine-fortified treats (she has a touch of arthritis in her hips, poor baby).
… Read the rest

Dad, Uncle Mike Said A Bad Word!

utfla1mp238410_t600.jpgThis picture of distraught Tennessee Vol fans was taken at Florida last year, but it’s probably pretty representative of how they looked toward the end of that 41-17 smackdown in T-town a few weeks later when the Million Dollar Band was firing up The Rammer Jammer.

For those of you from other less-civilized parts of the world, The Rammer Jammer is a traditional, and somewhat controversial, cheer taunt which is heard in the closing seconds of a football game when the outcome has been decided in the Crimson Tide’s favor. Oh sure, it does contain a relatively mild profanity, but that very same word is mentioned in the Bible a bunch of times after all, so it can’t be that bad.… Read the rest

Nice Hit, Wilbur

I saw it live and you’ve probably seen it a gazillion times since Saturday, but the lick that S.E.C. football umpire Wilbur Hackett Jr. layed on South Carolina QB Stephen Garcia is certainly worth watching again, don’t you think?

Hackett, who played linebacker for Kentucky in the late 60s, has pretty much been given a pass on this with even the “Ol’ Ball Coach” Steve Spurrier saying that it was an “accident,” but I don’t know. Watching the way he shuffles his feet, closes down on Garcia and then lays that forearm into him looks more like some kind of flashback to me.… Read the rest

Against The Stream

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Saturday dawned, cool and crisp, autumn having finally made its official appearance in these Southernmost parts. Here summer begrudgingly lingers, sending forth its last waves of punishing heat even as the leaves suddenly turn brown (and only rarely yellow or red) and begin their free-fall toward the welcoming ground. Young and old alike consider this disorderly sequence, and the many dark, discouraging signs that surround us in these trying times, and we long for that first refreshing blast of cool. It perks us up. It gives us hope.

Among the pleasures of the past two days was the chance to sit on the banks of the Tennessee River and watch Number One and his University of Alabama teammates compete in their first regatta of the season.… Read the rest

Spread Eagle, We Hardly Knew Ye

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Last Saturday night we were in Montgomery, so the Auburn-Arkansas game was blacked out, PPV only. I’d been following the game online and when I realized that Auburn was trailing–and driving–with minutes left, I yelled for Number One to follow me to the car so we could listen on the radio.

With first and goal inside the 5, at home, I just knew Auburn was going to gut it out. When they failed to score on 4th and goal, Number One and I, rather than celebrating wildly, just looked at each other, shocked and speechless.

When the Hogs intercepted Kodi Burns’ last pass, I thought about the many people I knew in that stadium, dear friends all, and I looked at Number One and said, “You know, I’m actually starting to feel a little sorry for them.”… Read the rest

Monday Morning Meltdowns

It’s Monday, and hopefully yours is off to a good start. But if it’s not, perhaps I can lend you some much needed perspective with a few Monday morning meltdowns gleaned from fan boards and blogs over the past couple of days. First up, an Ole Miss fan accepts the inevitable:

“We are not today, tomorrow, next week, next century in a position to be competing for conference or national championships in any sport. Period. End of Story. Take it to the bank. Put it in your pipe and smoke it. We can be competitive, but not champions.”

Over in Hawgville, things aren’t any better:

“Yet here we are again, after yet another blowout, and the same old yada,yada,yada.

… Read the rest

I Pray For John Parker Wilson

I’ve written several times about the curious intersection between football and religion, here, here, here, and most recently, here.

And now some more grist for the mill.

I just want to know: Was that sign put up before or after the Gator loss to Ole Miss?

Seriously, though, Jesus admonished us to not pray on the street corners. Does a Church of Christ marquee sign count? Yeah, Tim, get us a win every week and don’t let Jesus (and us) down while you’re at it. Nah, that’s not pressure.

Speaking of Churches of Christ, Nashville has one on just about every street corner.… Read the rest