I Hate Basketball

I hate basketball. In fact, I hate basketball so much that I’ve decided to join forces with these guys.

No, not really. But it’s easy to see how I would feel that way after watching my Dookies bite the dust this week. If that weren’t enough bad news, along comes an email in my box reminding me that the Ocular Fusion Gang basketball bracket standings have been updated. In the interest of full public disclosure, here are the current results:

Rank Atl Oak Was Min Pts No. Right
1 Number One Son Duke Gonzaga UConn BC 70 38
2 Number Three Son Duke Memphis UConn Ohio St 57.5 34
3 Itakeupspace Duke UCLA UConn Ohio St 55.5 35
4 jasonbybee Duke Kansas UConn Florida 55.5 34
5 House of Orange Duke UCLA UConn Villanova 53.5 35
6 Mike the Eyeguy Duke Gonzaga UConn BC 50.5 32

As you can see, by bracket is a train wreck and I am the mangled caboose. Why couldn’t I have shown the Memphis Tigers a little more love? Why didn’t I just go with my gut and pick Florida even though I can’t stand the Gators? All the pundits said Villanova was the real thing, why didn’t I listen? Why didn’t I see George Mason coming? What am I, blind?

These and other questions are torturing me this morning as I gaze upon the smoldering shreds of my respectability and credibility and find myself facing the high probability of finishing dead last in my own pool. I have no Final Four picks remaining except UConn and everyone has picked the Huskies to make it that far and some have picked them to win. One of those is Number Three son, the traitor. Not only is he lurking around with a good chance to overtake Number One Son if UConn wins the title, we will all never hear the end of it if he does. So, for that reason, I hereby declare that in the short term my favorite team is whoever is playing UConn at the moment.

As for an overall favorite, I hereby declare that even though it won’t affect my place in the standings and may in fact have the undesirable effect of aiding Number Three, my favorite team for the balance of this season and my pick to win it all is…the Memphis Tigers. In doing so, I apologize to Coach Calipari and his young crew because I have no doubt just sealed their doom.

If Number Three does win the pool, I’m ready. You see, I have a “little dirt” on him, and if UConn wins it all, I have no qualms about “going nuclear” and spreading it around. In fact, even if UConn doesn’t win it all, I’m cranky enough that I may just tell all anyway.

I may be a little middle-aged and a terrible college hoops prognosticator, but I still “got game,” along with a few long knives tucked away in various places.

5 Comments

  1. Hal

    Well, at least your family doesn’t depend upon your ability to prognosticate college hoops for an income (ie. don’t quit your day job).

    I didn’t join your pool because I wouldn’t have a clue picking teams. I suppose if had joined you wouldn’t be as grumpy today, because I’m quite sure that I would be dead last. My apologies to Sandy for being partially responsible for your grumpy attitude today.

  2. DJG

    I dreamed of college basketball last night….I blame you.

    Then you let me down with your prediction that LSU would fall to Texas….Oh well, that’s the reason I never complete a bracket. I listen to the wrong people (ha!)

  3. mike the eyeguy

    Hal–

    I would have welcomed your company in the basement of my bracket. I’m starting to view this experience as part of my Lenten journey this year, so the suffering will hopefully have some redemptive value in the long run.

    Don’t worry, I don’t plan to quit my day job for progosticating!

    djg–
    Sorry about interfering with your dreams. As for the LSU-Texas game, you should know better than to listen to me by now. I even jinxed the Memphis Tigers by picking them.

    Hmmm…it seems whatever I predict, the exact opposite occurs. OK then, LSU will have a cakewalk over UCLA, Villanova will get iced by Florida and George Mason has no chance whatsoever of getting past UConn.

    Now let’s stand back and see what happens.

  4. DJG

    I’ll check it out just to see if your “reverse” psychology works….

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