Is He the Antichrist?

creepyking-775233.JPGThere is much ado about what day it is, you know, that day. And of course, the discussion invariably comes around to who is the Antichrist. A long list of famous people have been nominated over the years, but as I survey the cultural landscape these days, a leading candidate to me is that creepy monarch fronting for the international fast-food chain, Burger King.

There’s already been a good expose written on “The King” elsewhere, and many other scary details can be found here. Despite the fact that I rarely eat there (I prefer to receive a month’s worth of fat and cholesterol over the course of at least 15 days as opposed to one sitting, thank you very much), I just can’t get this guy out of my mind. I really admired the touchdown run against the Rams, but still, the thought of “waking up with the King” is one that just gets stuck in the ol’ gray matter like an annoying splinter in your big toe.

A healthy portion of Burger King’s success over the years has resulted from clever marketing and memorable jingles. I can still sing most of the words to “Have it Your Way” as well as recite from memory “The Bigger the Burgers the Better the Burgers the Burgers are Bigger at Burger King.” As preteens, we discovered that you if try to say that real fast that invariably the phrase will devolve into “bigger and better boogers” at some point, resulting in the highest brand of sophomoric humor.

But now the latest–Manthem. A take off on the 1972 hit single, “I Am Woman,” by Helen Reddy, the commercial encourages men to cast off their force-fed “chick food” and instead wolf down a Texas Double Whopper, “like a man.” A version is available at You Tube, but a better quality video can be found by going to the Burger King website and then typing in “Commercials” at the top of the page.

I may never sample a Texas Double Whopper, but after watching what that mob did to that minivan, I’m feeling absolutely liberated.

So, on this inauspicious day, indulge in a little sophomoric humor–it’s the perfect antidote for antichrists. I bet if Damien tried a Texas Double Whopper, even he would be a little less grumpy and bent on ending the world as we know it.

19 Comments

  1. hooteewho

    That Burger King dude scares the beejeebers out of me!
    Also, not many of us normal Texans ever eat a Texas Double Whopper.

    Thanks for making me smile, yet again!

  2. Mark elrod

    It may be the entire BK operation that is anti-Christ; I saw a new ad for “Big Buckin’ Chicken” last night where the chicken is doing moto-cross. Very disturbing.

    But I have to say that “real” men pushing a mini-van off an overpass is pretty funny.

  3. Ed

    I thought NG was the antichrist or was that antichurch of christ?

  4. Donna

    Yeah, I can’t stand that guy.

    I used to work at BK as a 16 year old, so I know all of the jingles…I think they blew their marketing with this weird-o!

  5. Karen

    Thanks for the BK commercial link. “The King” creeps me out as well. But I *loved* the Whopper Junior commercials. Those were too funny!

  6. Mike the Eyeguy

    Hoots–

    I bet real Texans like yourself must get tired of folks trading on all the hype about “big this” and “big that.” Next thing you know, “The King” will be tossing aside his crown for a ten-gallon hat.

    Mark–

    I’m glad that we have folks like you out there who are dogging this guy. I haven’t seen the “Big Buckin’ Chicken” yet, but it sounds pretty surreal. Did his head spin around as he road the bike?

    Ed–

    NG was the “Antichrist of the Month” back in March. She’s old news now.

    Donna–

    I can only imagine the scars you must bear from your experience of working at BK. I bet you had a lot of people who thought they were really clever walk up to the counter and yell “I want it my way” or “Hold the pickle, hold the lettuce…”

    If I had to guess, the creepy King is probably boosting sales considering the American appetite for postmodern, kitschy commercials.

    Karen–

    Yes, the “Whopper Junior” commercials sound like some conversations around my house these days.

  7. Scott

    You know the founder of Burger King was COC right?

  8. Mike the Eyeguy

    Scott–

    Get out of here! Really? No, I wasn’t aware of this, but that does thicken the plot considerably.

    Well, now that you’ve piqued our curiosity, we’re waiting with bated breath to hear more. Do you happen to know if he was premillenial or amillenial?

  9. Scott

    I may be wrong. But during my first youth ministry gig I worked with a former missionary to Brazil. He was the one who told me the founder was blood-bought and sanctified and had been a major funder of Lucado during his Brazil missionary days. My pulpit guy and Lucado had worked together. He was typically a pretty credible guy. Can’t prove it though.

  10. GREG

    As creepy and disturbing as this king dude is, he’s got nothing on this guy

  11. Mike the Eyeguy

    Scott–

    Ok, a little second hand, but still, maybe something there. I Googled both the founders of BK, but came up dry on any CoC connections. I’m thinking Dr. Elrod should be all over this one, what with his CoC contacts and resources right there at his fingertips.

    Greg–

    Thanks for adding some much needed perspective to this discussion.

  12. Bill Gnade

    Yes. And behind the mask is Al Gore (or Ann Coulter, depending on what you’ve ordered at the drive thru).

    BG.

  13. Nancy

    Oh my goodness, that manthem had my laughing my guts out. Perfect!

    On an unrelated note, did you notice that they’re giving away dolls from the Skank-Ho collection to unassuming Burger King kids’ meal consumers?

  14. Mike the Eyeguy

    Bill–

    I knew it! It was the wooden look that gave him away.

    Trust no one.

    Nancy–

    Heh, I’m assuming you’re talking about the Bratz dolls. I can see how that would get under the skin of a mother trying to raise her daughter to view beauty as being more than skin deep.

    As the father of sons, I have to worry about real girls dressed that way.

  15. hooteewho

    Skank-ho dolls? ROFLOL….I call them Hootchie Dolls!
    I would not buy a Kids Meal if one of those little hodolls came free inside.

    Seriously, that BK King really scares me, I do have a fear of clowns and he fits into that category.

    Yes, I do get tired of Big this and Big that being from Texas. I do not own a pair of boots, a cadillac, or a ten gallon hat, and I have never owned a horse.

  16. Karen

    I’ve always called them “junior ho” dolls. And now we have “baby hos”.

  17. Nancy

    It really is a travesty. My kids know Bratz dolls are off limits, but have no idea why, except that modesty demands no bellybuttons showing…

    Oh man, I can’t imagine when Austin is older and I have to worry about THOSE girls…

  19. Mike the Eyeguy

    Hoots, Karen, Nancy and Scott–

    As a father of teenage sons, I’ve really missed out on the Bratz thing. But obviously, you all haven’t. There are some things you just miss when you don’t have daughters.

    Scott, that was a great article that Traci wrote. Nancy, as I recall, you wrote something similar to that during your time in Philly. Maybe there’s the making of a collaborative book in there that all of you could work on together.

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