It’s A Dog’s Life, But It’s Not So Bad When You’re 8-0

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The legions of crimson-clad Bama fans who invaded Knoxville’s Neyland Stadium, turning it into Tuscaloosa-Northeast, weren’t the only ones psyched up about the Tide’s workmanlike 29-9 dismantling of what’s left of the Tennessee Volunteers Saturday night.

As you can see, despite the threat of NCAA sanctions for “extra benefits,” Amazing Gracie the Wonderdog fired up her traditional victory stogie nonetheless.

Come to think of it, Gracie’s life revolves around a full menu of “extra benefits:”

  • The traditional victory cigar, of course, along with the lovely houndstooth collar.
  • An always-full water bowl and endless supply of dog food and glucosamine-fortified treats (she has a touch of arthritis in her hips, poor baby).
… Read the rest

Dad, Uncle Mike Said A Bad Word!

utfla1mp238410_t600.jpgThis picture of distraught Tennessee Vol fans was taken at Florida last year, but it’s probably pretty representative of how they looked toward the end of that 41-17 smackdown in T-town a few weeks later when the Million Dollar Band was firing up The Rammer Jammer.

For those of you from other less-civilized parts of the world, The Rammer Jammer is a traditional, and somewhat controversial, cheer taunt which is heard in the closing seconds of a football game when the outcome has been decided in the Crimson Tide’s favor. Oh sure, it does contain a relatively mild profanity, but that very same word is mentioned in the Bible a bunch of times after all, so it can’t be that bad.… Read the rest

Nice Hit, Wilbur

I saw it live and you’ve probably seen it a gazillion times since Saturday, but the lick that S.E.C. football umpire Wilbur Hackett Jr. layed on South Carolina QB Stephen Garcia is certainly worth watching again, don’t you think?

Hackett, who played linebacker for Kentucky in the late 60s, has pretty much been given a pass on this with even the “Ol’ Ball Coach” Steve Spurrier saying that it was an “accident,” but I don’t know. Watching the way he shuffles his feet, closes down on Garcia and then lays that forearm into him looks more like some kind of flashback to me.… Read the rest

Against The Stream

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Saturday dawned, cool and crisp, autumn having finally made its official appearance in these Southernmost parts. Here summer begrudgingly lingers, sending forth its last waves of punishing heat even as the leaves suddenly turn brown (and only rarely yellow or red) and begin their free-fall toward the welcoming ground. Young and old alike consider this disorderly sequence, and the many dark, discouraging signs that surround us in these trying times, and we long for that first refreshing blast of cool. It perks us up. It gives us hope.

Among the pleasures of the past two days was the chance to sit on the banks of the Tennessee River and watch Number One and his University of Alabama teammates compete in their first regatta of the season.… Read the rest

Spread Eagle, We Hardly Knew Ye

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Last Saturday night we were in Montgomery, so the Auburn-Arkansas game was blacked out, PPV only. I’d been following the game online and when I realized that Auburn was trailing–and driving–with minutes left, I yelled for Number One to follow me to the car so we could listen on the radio.

With first and goal inside the 5, at home, I just knew Auburn was going to gut it out. When they failed to score on 4th and goal, Number One and I, rather than celebrating wildly, just looked at each other, shocked and speechless.

When the Hogs intercepted Kodi Burns’ last pass, I thought about the many people I knew in that stadium, dear friends all, and I looked at Number One and said, “You know, I’m actually starting to feel a little sorry for them.”… Read the rest

The Real Debate Is In East Tennessee

I’ve been bothered by a bit of insomnia lately, but last night I slept like a baby. The difference? Presidential debate #3. Thirty minutes in, I was starting to nod and drool, so to avoid further embarrassment, I stumbled to bed and was out for the night.

I apparently missed some sharp exchanges, but I suspect those were nothing compared to the fireworks taking place at the Real Debate in Elizabethton, Tennessee. There Mark Ciptak, a blood bank employee for a local chapter of the American Red Cross, was trying to explain to his wife Layla the reason behind the loud, smelly brain fart in which he decided to go behind her back while she was still groggy from delivering their third child and change the baby’s name from “Ava Grace,” which they had previously agreed upon, to “Sarah McCain Palin Ciptak.”… Read the rest

O Say, Can You Sling? (The Mud, That Is)

In the comments from this post, Hal made a good observation to the effect that it’s important to take the long view and recall that “mud-slinging” has always been a part of American politics from our country’s inception. Now comes this article from The Washington Post verifying that same point, that verbal low-blows and fear-mongering are “nothing new under the sun.”

For instance, Abraham Lincoln’s enemies once referred to him as a “A Long, Lean, Lank, Lantern-Jawed, High Cheeked-Boned Spavined Rail-Splitting Stallion” (“spavine” refers to a general state of deterioration or decrepitude), and on another occasion as a man who “could ruin more liquor than all the boys of the town together.”… Read the rest

Dad To Son: Eat Right, Study Hard, Vote Well

Dear Number One Son,

By now, I hope you’ve received your absentee ballot for your very first presidential election. It’s your ticket to full-fledged citizenship, so try not to lose it beneath that Mt. Everest-sized laundry pile on your dorm floor.

(click here for the rest)

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For Such A Time As This

“O God, we are in a battle that is raging for the soul of this nation. You, O God, have raised up Senator John McCain and Governor Sarah Palin for such a time as this … Help them, O God, to strengthen our economy, to keep our taxes and spending low … and grant them the privilege of being elected the next president and vice president.”

–Minister leading the “opening prayer” for a McCain/Palin rally in Bethlehem, PA on 10/8/08

Are you serious? I mean, really? Okay, now I see a little more clearly why Thomas Jefferson and the rest of the Founding Fathers wanted to keep some distance between religion and politics.… Read the rest

Blogging The Wonders Years–Chapter VII

(This is Chapter VII of a series that I started but never really finished…let me know if you want more because there’s plenty).

Listen, I know times are tough. After I checked my retirement and college savings accounts yesterday, I had to reach for my inhaler and start playing the Taizé chants on my iPod in a continual loop.

But a little perspective is in order–I lived through the Arab Oil Embargo of the 1970s, for Pete’s sake. And as this February 20, 1975 political rant from the 7th grade personal journal that I kept for Ms. Fine’s class at Burnt Chimney Elementary School in Wirtz, Virginia amply shows, I was madder than #$%@&*, and I just wasn’t going to take it any more:

You said I could think of something to put in here, so heres the one thing I thought of [we didn’t cover dangling prepositions until 10th grade].

… Read the rest

Monday Morning Meltdowns

It’s Monday, and hopefully yours is off to a good start. But if it’s not, perhaps I can lend you some much needed perspective with a few Monday morning meltdowns gleaned from fan boards and blogs over the past couple of days. First up, an Ole Miss fan accepts the inevitable:

“We are not today, tomorrow, next week, next century in a position to be competing for conference or national championships in any sport. Period. End of Story. Take it to the bank. Put it in your pipe and smoke it. We can be competitive, but not champions.”

Over in Hawgville, things aren’t any better:

“Yet here we are again, after yet another blowout, and the same old yada,yada,yada.

… Read the rest

I Pray For John Parker Wilson

I’ve written several times about the curious intersection between football and religion, here, here, here, and most recently, here.

And now some more grist for the mill.

I just want to know: Was that sign put up before or after the Gator loss to Ole Miss?

Seriously, though, Jesus admonished us to not pray on the street corners. Does a Church of Christ marquee sign count? Yeah, Tim, get us a win every week and don’t let Jesus (and us) down while you’re at it. Nah, that’s not pressure.

Speaking of Churches of Christ, Nashville has one on just about every street corner.… Read the rest

Today Is Eyegal’s Born Day

Although we celebrated this occasion last week with a getaway to Nashville, you might recall I had to cut that short in order to help with the financial bailout plan (that went well, didn’t it?) and the Georgia game (’nuff said).

The bailout plan is still up in the air and now Nick is calling me about Kentucky (good grief, man, don’t you have a staff?), so I’m pretty blasted busy. Fusioneers, please help cover my back by sending some birthday love to Eyegal in the form of a comment or at least a good thought.

Gotta go. Sarah Palin just called–debate prep.… Read the rest

Transformation

Q: How long does it take a too-cute-for-his-own-good, 7-year-old soccer scoring machine…

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…to transform into a fearsome, I’ll-never-dribble-to-his-side-of-the-pitch-again, warrior-god defender?

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A: About 10 years.

And here’s the other thing: If you blink, you’ll miss it.

Number Two is thrilled to have this well placed elbow in the back shoulder charge as the signature image of his senior and last year of competitive soccer. The special, tie-dyed  “third jersey” that they made just for that Memphis tournament is the crowning touch.

BTW, Number Two is considering Lipscomb, Harding…and Auburn.

Yeah, I know.

… Read the rest