Not “Mom,” But Something Close

I’m going to go ahead and lower expectations for my community column which will appear in this Sunday’s Huntsville Times. I know that many will be expecting a Mother’s Day Special, but it ain’t happening. Sorry.

Here’s the truth: When I was coming up with a topic for this month, I completely forgot that my column would appear on Mother’s Day. In fact, I didn’t realize it was this Sunday until, oh, about 3 days ago (and my deadline was a week ago Thursday).

If you’re looking for an ode to get you in the mood for honoring your favorite mama, then you’re barking up the wrong tree, my precious coon dogs.… Read the rest

My Favorite Pauschisms; Earnest Is Better Than Hip

Earnest is better than hip.

I’ll take an earnest person over a hip person every time, because hip is short-term. Earnest is long-term.

Earnestness is highly underestimated. It comes from the core, while hip is trying to impress you with the surface.

“Hip” people love parodies. But there’s no such thing as a timeless parody, is there? I have more respect for the earnest guy who does something that can last for generations, and that hip people feel the need to parody.

–Randy Pausch in The Last Lecture

… Read the rest

Actions Really Do Speak Louder Than Words

What would you do if your doctor told you that you only had a few months to live?

I heard that question posed to an audience recently, and the questioner went ahead and answered it for everyone present: “Well, I’m sure that we would all spend the remaining time telling everyone about Jesus and how much he has done for us.”

The question was a good one. The answer? Well, it seemed a little odd and incongruent to me at the time. I recognized it as “Church of Christese,” code for “get out and door knock or go on a mission trip.”… Read the rest

It All Begins in New Hampshire

While the main attractions on the Huntsville Pilgrimage Association Home Tour this past Saturday were the collection of historical houses and the beautiful Episcopal church downtown (be sure to click on “Home Tour”), there were some other interesting sights as well:

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Bill Gnade, are you responsible for this?

Well, you know what they say: It all begins in New Hampshire.… Read the rest

Boom-De-Yada! Things Are Looking Up!

Or maybe down if you’re a Tarheel fan.

Jump, Tyler, jump!! And everyone knows a returning Player of the Year senior like you deserves a nice, fast Harley Davidson too. Go ahead, splurge!

Good thing his Daddy’s an orthopedic surgeon. Of course, there’s another reason he may have stayed too. (h/t Greg)

And if all that doesn’t make you smile, them maybe this will. (h/t ME)

Boom-de-yada everyone! And have a great weekend.… Read the rest

Thou Shalt Not Kick Thy Neighbor’s A$#

Once upon a time, just like the cell phone commercial, I fretted over how much time my kids spent text messaging their friends.

Then I tried it. And like Mikey, I liked it! There were many occasions and situations when a short text made more sense than calling. So we got an unlimited text message package and we all lived happily ever after.

But before the other night, I had never texted anyone except family members. But someone Lindsay changed all that…

Lindsay (texting from a number not in my address book): Hey its lindsay! Hope you guys are prepared to kick some neighbor in the a$#!

… Read the rest

Subj: Obama is a TARHEEL!!! PLEASE FORWARD!!!

While much of the country’s attention is focused on Jeremiah’s Wright’s racial diatribes, Cindy McCain’s bank account, Hillary’s choice of liquor, Obama’s alleged Muslim-ness and Miley Cyrus’ bare back, the REAL STORY has slipped beneath the radar and been suppressed by the MSM:

Barack Hussein DEAN SMITH Obama is a TARHEEL!!!

Yes, I’m afraid it’s true. He was recently seen schmoozing with their prickly, thin-skinned HC Roy Williams and his gang of underachieving, powder blue cream puffs at the UNC basketball complex. This sick and galling display of political pandering can be seen here.

WARNING: The one of him posing with Psycho T, Williams and a very flabby Sam Perkins is NSFW!!!… Read the rest

I Am The Spin Doctor

Each year between late March and early June is table tennis season at our house. Or, for the unwashed masses, “ping pong” season. During those months, the temperature in the garage is just right, so out comes the table and out go the cars to sit for a short while in the driveway, exposed to the elements.

It is a season when a 46-year-old man with a bad back and a nagging case of turf toe can shine. Cocky young men from near and far flock to the garage, gird their loins (what little they have), and try in vain to knock off the “old man.”… Read the rest

4/22/80

On Tuesday, April 22, 1980, the following events occurred:

Pennsylvania primary takes place today…..PA poll shows George Bush leading Ronald Reagan, while President Carter and Sen. Ted Kennedy are in dead heat…..European Community decides to support Carter’s sanctions against Iran…..State Dept. sends telegrams to hostage families urging them to abide by ban on travel to Iran…..International Olympic Committee, meeting in Switzerland, undecided about Moscow Olympics boycott…..Canada urges it’s Olympic committee to cancel plans to attend Summer Games…..In Liberia, officials of former government are executed…..Harold Brown (not Carter’s SecDef nor the inventor of the electric chair) dies in Roanoke, Virginia at the age of 47…..House

… Read the rest

Skinny White Guys: Wear More Deodorant and Lay Off Those Video Games

This post is dedicated to Number One Son and his roommate Zack.

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For some time now, the number of women entering the health professions has been on the rise. Most entering classes in schools of medicine, dentistry, optometry, pharmacy, etc have been comprised of around 50% women for several years.

The latest indications are that women are starting to grab a slight majority of entering slots. At the University of Alabama at Birmingham School of Optometry, women are really starting to rule the roost. A source there informed me recently that the 2008 entering class will be comprised of 80% women.… Read the rest

Eat Your Heart Out Pepperdine Lectureship!

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And that goes for you too, Tulsa Soul Winning Workshop!

Just try getting 48,000 Church of Christers together like these Catholics did for Mass yesterday in Washington DC without some sort of fight breaking out over worship music styles or women’s roles in the church.

Oh wait. Catholics argue about that stuff too. But I bet they didn’t yesterday–not with “Da Man” in town. And he even spoke in English–not Latin.

So, do Church of Christers have a de facto “Pope?” Full Professor Elrod and his shy and retiring chorus consider the question.

You’ve got to hand it to him.… Read the rest

This Is Not Your Father’s Mercedes Benz

That is, if your father had a Mercedes in the first place. Mine didn’t. But he did have a gleaming white 1960 Chevy Impala coupe with fins.

But for millions of Catholics, their Father, Pope Benedict XVI, is currently cruising the streets of Washington DC in a modified Mercedes ML-430 affectionately dubbed the “Popemobile:”

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Now that is one righteous ride!

When I saw that his Holiness preferred the M-Class, I let out a loud “Roll, Benedict, Roll!” because as many of you know, that little gem is manufactured in none other than Tuscaloosa, Alabama. However, I did a little research and found that the current model was given to Pope John Paul II in June, 2002, so that means that particular one was most likely manufactured in Graz, Austria prior to Mercedes moving the entire M-Class operation to T-town.… Read the rest