I Am The Spin Doctor

Each year between late March and early June is table tennis season at our house. Or, for the unwashed masses, “ping pong” season. During those months, the temperature in the garage is just right, so out comes the table and out go the cars to sit for a short while in the driveway, exposed to the elements.

It is a season when a 46-year-old man with a bad back and a nagging case of turf toe can shine. Cocky young men from near and far flock to the garage, gird their loins (what little they have), and try in vain to knock off the “old man.”… Read the rest

4/22/80

On Tuesday, April 22, 1980, the following events occurred:

Pennsylvania primary takes place today…..PA poll shows George Bush leading Ronald Reagan, while President Carter and Sen. Ted Kennedy are in dead heat…..European Community decides to support Carter’s sanctions against Iran…..State Dept. sends telegrams to hostage families urging them to abide by ban on travel to Iran…..International Olympic Committee, meeting in Switzerland, undecided about Moscow Olympics boycott…..Canada urges it’s Olympic committee to cancel plans to attend Summer Games…..In Liberia, officials of former government are executed…..Harold Brown (not Carter’s SecDef nor the inventor of the electric chair) dies in Roanoke, Virginia at the age of 47…..House

… Read the rest

Skinny White Guys: Wear More Deodorant and Lay Off Those Video Games

This post is dedicated to Number One Son and his roommate Zack.

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For some time now, the number of women entering the health professions has been on the rise. Most entering classes in schools of medicine, dentistry, optometry, pharmacy, etc have been comprised of around 50% women for several years.

The latest indications are that women are starting to grab a slight majority of entering slots. At the University of Alabama at Birmingham School of Optometry, women are really starting to rule the roost. A source there informed me recently that the 2008 entering class will be comprised of 80% women.… Read the rest

Eat Your Heart Out Pepperdine Lectureship!

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And that goes for you too, Tulsa Soul Winning Workshop!

Just try getting 48,000 Church of Christers together like these Catholics did for Mass yesterday in Washington DC without some sort of fight breaking out over worship music styles or women’s roles in the church.

Oh wait. Catholics argue about that stuff too. But I bet they didn’t yesterday–not with “Da Man” in town. And he even spoke in English–not Latin.

So, do Church of Christers have a de facto “Pope?” Full Professor Elrod and his shy and retiring chorus consider the question.

You’ve got to hand it to him.… Read the rest

This Is Not Your Father’s Mercedes Benz

That is, if your father had a Mercedes in the first place. Mine didn’t. But he did have a gleaming white 1960 Chevy Impala coupe with fins.

But for millions of Catholics, their Father, Pope Benedict XVI, is currently cruising the streets of Washington DC in a modified Mercedes ML-430 affectionately dubbed the “Popemobile:”

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Now that is one righteous ride!

When I saw that his Holiness preferred the M-Class, I let out a loud “Roll, Benedict, Roll!” because as many of you know, that little gem is manufactured in none other than Tuscaloosa, Alabama. However, I did a little research and found that the current model was given to Pope John Paul II in June, 2002, so that means that particular one was most likely manufactured in Graz, Austria prior to Mercedes moving the entire M-Class operation to T-town.… Read the rest

April Is The Cruellist Month

April is the cruellest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring
Dull roots with spring rain.

–T.S. Eliot The Wasteland

I think Eliot was right. And that’s not even counting my own personal tragedies that have occurred in this month.

The Washington Post tells what it’s like to try to archive all the compassionate gestures directed toward Virginia Tech last year.

And here is my own contribution.

… Read the rest

A Writer’s Worst Nightmare

I always get a little nervous on the second Saturday night of each month before my community column is published in the Sunday Huntsville Times.

Basically, I’m afraid that the editor will make a change that will drastically alter my column and make me look like an idiot in front of thousands (well, okay, maybe a couple of hundred) of people. I have visions of people coming up to me in Target and saying, “Hey aren’t you the guy who writes that drivel in the Sunday paper?”

Last Saturday night, all that pre-publication angst turned into a writer’s worst nightmare.… Read the rest

And Away I Went

I got in the truck… and away I went.

Oh, that’s right, most people like reading the first paragraph, well, first:

A burned out ignition coil on the last day of a beach vacation is a real buzz killer. Oh, and another thing: The nearest dealer was over 150 miles away in Montgomery.

For the record, I’ve complained to the editor about the disappearing-first-paragraph problem in the online edition, and he said that The Huntsville Times doesn’t own the website but instead contracts out so therefore they have no control over it.

I say it’s about time The Huntsville Times joins the 21st century and creates their own website like so many other newspapers have.… Read the rest

I Got In The Truck

tow-truck.jpgI promised everyone more details regarding my “mad, moonlit dash into L. A. (Lower Alabama) with a chain-smoking, Diet Coke-swilling insomniac tow truck driver named Keith.”

In my community column in this coming Sunday’s Huntsville Times, I’ll deliver.

Looking back, I had two choices. I could have simply given the keys and a note to the dealer to Keith and had him deliver the car by himself and checked on it the next day as we drove through Montgomery on the way home. Or, I could get in the truck and see what adventures lay in store along U.S. 331 on a Friday night in the heart of the Deep South.… Read the rest

A Good Life

“I have lived through much, and now I think I have found what is needed for happiness. A quiet secluded life in the country, with the possibility of being useful to people whom it is easy to do good, and who are not accustomed to have it done to them; then work which one hopes may be of some use; then rest, nature, books, music, love for one’s neighbor – such is my idea of happiness. And then, on top of all that, you for a mate, and children, perhaps-what more can the heart of a man desire?”

– Leo Tolstoy.

… Read the rest

Rock On Jayhawks!

jayhawks_logo.pngSomewhere James Naismith and Phog Allen are smiling.

And let’s not forget cg–his grill is flashin’ too. Well done, Jayhawks. You could have folded and closed down the shop with 2 minutes left, but you went with the money and started to foul the Tigers. Good move.

I bet no one associated with the Memphis program will ever refer to the foul line as the “charity” stripe again.

Rock on Jayhawks! Enjoy your day–you deserve it.

… Read the rest

Somebody Help Me, I’m Going Soft!

You know that sappy and sickening Sheraton ad that’s out right now, the one where archrivals suddenly discover their common humanity simply because they’re both Starwood Preferred Guests and are hanging out at the same hotel?

Don’t look now, but something like that is happening to me.

Basically, I didn’t take tremendous joy in the Tarheels demise like a true-Blue Duke fan should. Oh, it had its moments (especially when Psycho T finally got called for traveling), but I didn’t dig the schadenfreude as much as I thought I would.

Rooting against a team and watching them lose just doesn’t produce the same buzz as pulling for a winning team.… Read the rest

We’re All April Fools

april-fool-illus.jpgFor those of you who may have been wrong-footed by my April Fools gag post on being named the Duke University team optometrist (and sources tell me that there were several of you), don’t feel too badly.

You were not alone. If you want to spot these feints a little earlier, then you might want to check this out.

Besides, it’s not like I never bought a tall tale or two.

A couple of years ago, my friend Ed wrote a classic April Fools post that I swallowed hook, line and sinker like an eager large mouth bass.

Chariots of Fire is one of my all time favorites, and I wanted so much for that story to be true.… Read the rest