The Eyeguy Was There

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But he’s not anymore–he’s somewhere else, far, far away. But the Eyefam is still “there.” The story of why they’re still “there” and why I’m “here” is a complex, heartrending saga of trouble in paradise. One that features a stuttering, sputtering Audi A4 with faulty ignition coils, a tense afternoon spent on the phone plotting an escape, and then a mad, moonlit dash into L. A. (Lower Alabama) with a chain-smoking, Diet Coke-swilling insomniac tow truck driver named Keith.

More details to follow.… Read the rest

“Legally Blind” Doesn’t Mean “Blind As A Bat”

Amid the fallout of Eliot Spitzer’s prostitution scandal and subsequent resignation as Governor of New York comes a bit of ocular news. His successor, David Paterson, becomes the first legally blind governor in U.S. history.davidpaterson_flags.jpg

There’s a lot of confusion out there over what exactly “legal blindness” means. I hear patients say all the time, “I’m legally blind without my glasses or contacts.” Well, no, actually you’re not. You’re only legally blind if you’re 20/200 or worse in your better eye with your glasses or contacts.

You can also be legally blind even if you have “perfect” 20/20 vision. That happens if your visual field is constricted to the point that you can only see 20 degrees total or less in your best and widest meridian (i.e.,… Read the rest

Wherefore Art Thou Romeo? Raght Thar He Is!

It took some negotiating, and eventually some compromise. Here’s a picture of our Romeo, one that will, in his words, show the world “what a stud” he is:

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And here’s one of him in action, wooing his beloved Juliet:

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For the life of me, I’ve lived in this house almost 13 years and I never realized we had a balcony in our foyer.

Wherefore Art Thou Romeo? As we say in The South, “Raght thar he is!”

… Read the rest

Horton Hears a Hooah in Huntsville!

Breaking news: I’m pleased to report the that the City of Huntsville, Alabama has finished in first place in 20th Century Fox’s “Horton Hears You–Hometown Challenge.”

Last Thursday, citizens of Huntsville, bolstered by a large contingent of soldiers from Redstone Arsenal, stood in front of the Von Braun Civic Center prior to the Huntsville Havoc vs. Columbus Cottonmouths hockey game and let loose a loud barbaric yawp which reportedly red-lined decibel meters and tickled seismographs as far away as Tupelo, Mississippi.

By winning, those who participated receive free passes to a special Huntsville premiere prior to the nationwide release of “Dr.… Read the rest

Honest Abe Gets a Makeover

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Get an eyeful of Honest Abe’s makeover.

The new $5 bill, which was unveiled last September, will be issued beginning tomorrow. Among the new and improved features is a large, purple numeral 5 in the lower right corner, which will not only make it harder to counterfeit, but also easier for the visually impaired to see. And given the size of the rapidly-aging baby boomer demographic, that’s a move I heartily endorse.

Five dollar bills–in this era of rising gasoline prices, may we all have more of them.… Read the rest

Wherefore Art Thou Romeo? Because He Has To

Today, Number Three Son is going through the same rite of passage that millions of other schoolboys have over the past few centuries. His 9th grade English class is covering Shakespeare’s “Romeo and Juliet,” and Number Three gets to dress the part and deliver such choice lines as:

“See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand!
O, that I were a glove upon that hand,
That I might touch that cheek!”

As to “Juliet,” well, that’s a sore point. According to Number Three (who has been known to lay it on thick on occasion), he got stuck with the loudest, largest, and most obnoxious girl in the class, which will make his assignment all the more challenging.… Read the rest

Here’s Your Handy Huntsville Guide

It’s the second Sunday of the month, and The Huntsville Times has published my latest community column entitled, “New to the city? Here’s a handy guide for you newcomers.”

Sigh. You know the drill. Here’s the first paragraph:

We moved to Huntsville 15 years ago this month. Back then, what I really wanted was a reliable newcomer’s guide. There are probably folks migrating to Huntsville from northern Virginia as part of the BRAC move who feel the same way. Maybe some of them will even read this column.

And here’s the rest.

For the uninitiated, BRAC stands for “Defense Base Closure and Realignment Commission.”… Read the rest

Senseless Evil

As much as I get worked up over rivalries like Bama v. Auburn and Duke v. UNC, it’s stories like this and this which bring me back down to earth and give me much needed perspective. And with the Virginia Tech and Northern Illinois tragedies still fresh and raw in our minds, the latest news only adds salt to the wounds.

I’m sure the police in Auburn and Chapel Hill are talking extensively about this as the two crimes sound suspiciously similar. Here’s hoping that they are able to find the person or persons responsible for this senseless evil before they strike again.… Read the rest

15 Years In The Rocket City

src-time-lapse.JPGI’ll be reflecting back on lessons learned over the past 15 years of living in Huntsville in this Sunday’s community column in The Huntsville Times.

We moved here in March 1993, and I’ll admit that it took me some time to get used to the place. We had lived in a “big city” for the previous 7 years (Birmingham and then Nashville), and I often pined for the culture, excitement and choices of a major metropolitan area. But once I settled down and became more rooted in the community, the place sort of started to grow on me. Or maybe I grew into it.… Read the rest

It’s March–Cry Havoc and Let Slip the Devils of Duke!

Now that we have that little business out of the way, on to the main event.

Longtime Fusioneers know I bleed Blue Devil Blue. Those who have been around a shorter time might be wondering what all the fuss is about. Well, you can get up to speed here.

For me, there is something lower brain and purely primeval about Duke v. UNC. Since the early 1970s, I’ve only missed a few of those titan tussles. This year’s regular season finale Saturday night promises another instant classic: ACC regular season title on the line, Senior Night at Cameron with DeMarcus Nelson playing his last home game, UNC ranked #1, Henderson and Psycho T Hansbrough eyeing each other warily during warm ups, the Cameron Crazies in a deep blue frenzy, Roy Williams and Coach K commanding their troops.… Read the rest

Freudian Slips

I first heard about it from Eyegal who heard about it from the parent of a Harding student (who, ironically, was named “Regina”) who heard about it from the student himself who apparently witnessed the incident live.

Heh, that’s funny, I thought. And then: I wonder if it’s on youtube?

Yup, it sure is.

Freudian slips + digital cameras + youtube = worldwide embarrassment.

Chapel announcements have rarely been so interesting.

Fortunately, Dr. Burks is a decent guy who doesn’t mind poking fun at himself. I would have probably run screaming from the stage.

… Read the rest

Playing Dead

Sometimes I feel a little dead at the end of the day, but I’ve never had the opportunity to become a middle-aged cadaver.

But my friend and outdoor adventurer Ed has.

Be sure to read his delightful story on his recent time spent “playing the stiff” for a team of training Search and Rescue Dogs (SAR K9) at the 2008 Airscent Seminar near Rogersville, Alabama.

And Ed, glad to have you back in the land of the living. Jake must give pretty good spit baths. Or was it the nose bite that did the trick?

… Read the rest

Vote For David Manes

I hear there’s some kind of big election or something today, but unless you live in Ohio or Texas, you may not get a piece of the action. And since I know you’re dying to pull the lever for somebody, you might as well do it for David Manes.

David is a fellow blogger, Harding man and overall good guy who runs a very good blog called Political Cartel which I read and have linked to for sometime now. In fact, he’s done such a good job that now he’s a finalist for the 2008 Political Blogging Scholarship from College Scholarships.org… Read the rest