Blogging the Wonder Years–Weighing In On Watergate, Chapter VI

gerald-ford.jpgWith the recent day of mourning in honor of President Gerald Ford, it seemed fitting to revive my dormant series, Blogging the Wonder Years.

What’s the connection? Well, as you may recall, in my personal journal that I kept for Ms. Fine’s 7th grade class at Burnt Chimney Elementary School in Wirtz, Virginia, I not only dealt with my “touchy-feely” emotional side, adolescent angst and roiling hormones, but I also responded to the issues and events of the day. Previous excerpts included reflections and rants on my personal emotional and psychological growth during my first 6 years of elementary school, guys with long hair, so-called friends who called me “shorty,” cussing and the 70’s music scene (highly recommended since that was my highest comment post ever).… Read the rest

Dear St. Nick–Take the Money and Run!

Dear St. Nick:

I know it’s customary to write to you before Christmas, so I hope it’s not too late. I just have one piece of advice for you: take the money and run, Nick, run!

Meanwhile, just in case things don’t work out, I’m hedging my bets and ordering a Boise State t-shirt, despite the fact that I’ve never set foot in the state of Idaho.

… Read the rest

The Holiday Newsletter–Raw and Uncensored

I wonder what would happen if people wrote down the first thing that came to their minds in their holiday newsletters? What it be like if we all mailed our first drafts, raw and uncensored, rather than the spit and polish, somewhat-less-than-accurate final editions? I can only imagine…

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Dear family and friends,

Happy Holidays (there, that ought to get somebody riled up!). It’s time for that annual gagfest known as the XXX family brag sheet, uh, I mean newsletter.

I know what some of you are thinking: I need this like I need an IRS audit or a visit to the proctologist.… Read the rest

Holy Mondegreens, Batman, Here He Goes Again!

In addition to the ones I wrote about last year, here are a few more:

  • Give us this day our deli bread.
  • Glory be to the Father and to the Son and to the Whole East Coast.
    • We shall come to Joyce’s, bringing in the cheese.
    • Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    • Yield not to Penn Station.
    • Praise God from whom all blessings flow, praise Him all creatures, HERE WE GO!
    • Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names
    • While shepherds washed their socks by night

    Any worthy contributions to this list will be rewarded with a life sentence subscription to my blog plus a signed copy of my world-infamous Christmas family newsletter.… Read the rest

    Holiday Letters–Yea or Nay?

    Sorry, there won’t be the usual stunningly professional, thought-provoking and humorous post today. You see, I used up all my good stuff on the holiday letter that I composed this weekend. You know, the newsy and chatty one that you send to all your far-flung friends regaling them with the events of the year and about how all the men are strong, the women good-looking and the children way, way above average in your little neck of the woods.

    If you’re still working on yours (news flash: you’d better hurry), then you might find this list of helpful hints useful. Or not.… Read the rest

    You’ll Shoot Your Eye Out!

    Tis the season for the Sojourner Class at our church to watch some Christmas movies and try to unpack a few spiritual lessons. Last year, we spent a few weeks watching It’s a Wonderful Life, and so far this year we’ve viewed and discussed clips from Miracle on 34th Street and The Bishop’s Wife.

    christmas_story_c.jpgThis Sunday we’ll be watching A Christmas Story. As you might recall, that’s the one where little Ralphie Parker (played by Peter Billingsley) sets his heart on the mother of all Christmas presents: “an official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle, with a compass in the stock and ‘this thing’, which tells time.”… Read the rest

    Make That 47

    True story:

    In the fall of 1984, I was a skinny, malnourished first-year graduate student in clinical psychology at Virginia Tech in Blacksburg, Virginia. This was just shortly before I realized that I wasn’t cut out to be a psychotherapist and needed to work with something I could actually fix–like eyeballs–but I digress.

    Moving back to Blacksburg had reignited some childhood allergies which in turn had set off a touch of asthma, and that was the reason that I was in Ellett’s Drugstore on Main Street looking for drugs–any and all, please–that would give me a few moments of relief. After scooping up and paying for enough OTC medications to anesthetize a herd of charging elephants, I started out the door.… Read the rest