The Assimilation Continues

borg-18527.jpgIt’s been an eventful week here at Ocular Fusion. First, I was graced with a visit by the Winged Goddess of Victory herself (I think we all know her name, don’t we?). Then I was the victim of a vicious attack of flying spam, necessitating the installation of the new and improved, all purpose, Super-Duper Askimet Anti-Spam Shield and Bug Zapper (so far, 70 pieces of fried spam in 48 hrs).

But, no matter what I do, the assimilation continues.

Here’s my latest VIP visitor:… Read the rest

From Swoosh to Spam in No Time Flat

1559606_340_1116081430036-spam.jpgI thought that “getting Swooshed” would be the greatest thing that ever happened to me. Visions of free running shoes, endorsement contracts, commercials and billboards were dancing like Oregon Waffles in my middle-age, ever-balding head.

Instead, I went from Swoosh to spam in no time flat.

It all started when those pesky and creepy little search bot worm thingies started crawling all over my site a few days ago. Both Google and Yahoo (Inktomisearch.com) stop by at least daily, Yahoo sometimes more often. The result was a coordinated spam attack between 10:15 and 10:50 A.M. yesterday which launched eight cash-seeking missles that landed in the comment section of my various Nike posts.… Read the rest

I’ve Been Swooshed

In mob circles, it’s known as becoming a “Made man.” You’ve shown loyalty to the family through the years, doing all the dirty deeds you’ve been asked to do. Finally, after paying your dues, somebody notices. Suddenly, your suits get silkier, your shoes shinier, you receive VIP treatment at the dry cleaners and get the best seats at all the good restaurants with no reservations. Usually “being made” is the pinnacle of a mobster’s career–unless you’re Joe Pesci’s character Tommy DeVito in the movie Goodfellas.

Now I’m no mafioso, but I am a shoe nerd. And we have our day too, you know.… Read the rest

An Ode to Sheepdogs

sheepdog_001.jpgLet’s hear it for the sheepdogs among us. Watching the backs of the flock and keeping the wolves at bay is often a tedious, thankless task. This morning, I am thankful, and I praise God, for the many men and women the world over who manifest their love of neighbor, and in many cases, their love of God, by baring their fangs and aggressively pursuing and disabling those who resist the love of God and persist in hating their neighbor, even to the point of mass murder.

Perhaps these are the musings of a simpleton. If so, then call me stupid.… Read the rest

Tank Talks

Click here to listen to Harding grad Torrance “Tank” Daniels talk about what it’s like to be a rookie hoping to make the final cut with the Philadelphia Eagles.

I’m no expert on the pro game, but I view the fact that Tank is being interviewed for the official Eagles website as a very positive sign that his prospects are good. I also suspect that he’ll get even more field time tonight against the Browns after such a fine debut against the Raiders.

Go Tank, Go Bisons, Go Eagles (for now anyway…).

… Read the rest

Loose Connections of My Own

Alabama.gifI’m starting to get all worked up about the upcoming college football season. Crisp fall air, golden brown leaves crunching underfoot, and college football on TV from Thursday through Saturday make for an intoxicating brew. I graduated from a college with only a moderately successful football team and have never experienced an honest-to-goodness campus “Game Day,” so I don’t have as much ego and money tied up in all this as some people do. But as a Virginia expatriate who has lived 17 years in Alabama, I wish to announce that I have finally chosen a side: I do hereby officially declare that I am always, and ever will be, pulling for the Crimson Tide.… Read the rest

An Eye is a Terrible Thing To Pluck

Sometimes object lessons go just a little too far.

Yesterday, our pulpit minister was preaching on purity and was reading Mark 9:47:

And if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out. It is better for you to enter the kingdom of God with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into hell,

To emphasize the point, he brought his hand to his eye to illustrate what “plucking” looked like and to drive home his point. I immediately sensed danger, and I leaned foward at the ready, my professional instincts suddenly on full, red-eye alert. We all watched in horrified fascination as he sharply thrust his fingers toward his orbit in pincer-like fashion.… Read the rest

More Real Sex on Casual Friday

If you’re like me, your workplace allows “Casual Friday,” a day of reprieve from those constricting ties and starchy dress shirts. However, as I sit here contemplating which polo shirt I’ll wear with my khakis today, these passages from Lauren Winner’s book Real Sex give me pause:

Casual Fridays, I think, capture some of our society’s confusion about clothes. Professional workplaces have dress codes in part because managers know that how we dress shapes our behavior. If we dress up, if we dress professionally, we are more likely to behave professionally, to treat others with respect and be treated likewise. A few years ago, when employers all over corporate America said employess could dress down on the last day of the work week, workers were thrilled.

… Read the rest

A Back to School Nightmare

The “back to school” drill is not only hard on kids, but parents as well. What’s really bad are the dreams that parents seem to start having around this time of year.

I had one last night. Actually, I had several, since I kept waking up, falling back to sleep and then dreaming the same blasted dream again.

It was a variation on an old familiar theme. I was back in high school, only this time I was not a slim, salutatorian, but instead I was trapped in my present-day, balding, middle-age body (usually I at least get the benefit of a younger former self).… Read the rest

Real Sex is a Winner

winner.jpgNow that I have your attention, I wish to put in a good word for a book that I’m currently reading (consuming might be the better verb), Real Sex:The Naked Truth About Chastity by Lauren Winner.

Now I know what you’re thinking: Mike, shouldn’t you know what “real sex” is by now?

Well, yes and no. Yes, I know some things about what sex is, should be, and can be, but no, it doesn’t mean I know everything I should. Nor does it mean that that I’m very effective at teaching my sons about sex and how to faithfully answer God’s call to chastity in a postmodern, sex-saturated society.… Read the rest

Lady in the Water–A Review

lady_in_the_water_ver2.jpgBoy, the things a guy’s got to go through to tell a bedtime story these days.

If you’re director M. Night Shyamalan, it means that first you part ways with long-time partner Disney after they excoriate your latest project, Lady in the Water. Then when the film is produced and released by Warner Brothers, it means you must run a gauntlet of cynical and surly critics, the same ones that mercilessly panned your signature film, The Sixth Sense, when it debuted (plus every movie you’ve released since). While Shyamalan seems somewhat hurt and nonplussed by all the fuss (listen here to his comments from an NPR interview broadcast the day before the movie’s release), he remains confident that his vision will be accepted by both his longtime, core fans and moviegoers at large.… Read the rest

Pre Lives, But Not in This Body

What a relief! In the comments from yesterday’s post, I mentioned that I went on a cleaning frenzy recently and threw away my Nike Air Max ’96s that I wore in the Rocket City Marathon back in 1997. After reminiscing about all my “old school” shoes, I began to have second thoughts and wondered if I was going to have to make a trip to the landfill to dig them out.IMG_0071.JPG

Good news–I found them! After 21 plus years of marriage, Eyegal knows that I often make rash decisions like that and figured that I would regret it and had put them in the garage instead of the trash can.… Read the rest

Name…That…Shooooe!

After coming clean on my shoe addiction, I’m ripping off a page from everybody’s favorite Catfish Queen reject Nancy French and having my first contest at Ocular Fusion.

(Cue the audience to shout) Name…That…Shooooe! (cue wild, audience applause and generic game show music)

That’s right, the first person to correctly ID the following shoe will receive, courtesy of yours truly, a signed copy of Doug Mendenhall’s new book, How Jesus Ended Up in the Food Court: Seventy-Seven Devotional Thoughts You Never Thought About Before.

Here’s the picture. Remember, I’m looking for the exact name of this Nike classic:

nikeoregonwaffle-01 2.jpg

It’s really not that hard; there are sufficient clues scattered here and there that should lead you toward the correct answer.… Read the rest

Revenge of a Shoe Nerd

“Where do I buy the Nike shoes?”
-Tom Hanks as Victor Navorski, The Terminal

Hello. My name is Mike the Eyeguy, and I am a shoe nerd.

There, I said it, it’s out in the open now. I no longer have to hide the fact that ever since I was a bushy-haired boy growing up in the 1970s, I’ve been obsessed with athletic shoes of all brands, colors and sports. I’ve worn just about all of them at one time or another: Keds, PF Flyers (remember how they made you run faster and jump higher?), Converse All Star Chuck Taylor canvas high tops (black, red and sky blue–back before I knew that color was associated with the evil Tar Heels), Puma “Suedes” (often referred to as “Clydes” after Walt Frazier, famous point guard for the N.Y.… Read the rest